


Promises

by Balthuza



Category: Shards of the Sun
Genre: M/M, and an asshole, but a stupid asshole arther than an asshole-asshole, he's an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9872780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Balthuza/pseuds/Balthuza
Summary: He can hear the whispers while he trains until his hands bleed and spends hours hunched over a book, learning the sacred laws by heart, over and over again. The stopped bothering him a long time ago.





	1. Chapter 1

Nobody ever asks why he was left at the temple. There is no need.

He doesn’t hold onto the hope that maybe it was a mistake, never joins the other kids as they wonder, deep in the night about maybes and what-ifs. He learns early that he is lucky to be there, that for him, this is the best he could ever hope for.

It feels natural to stay with the Church after that. There is comfort in the rituals and he can see kindness in the harshness of the priests. He knows he is wrong, his very existence a sin, and seeks to fix it. 

He can hear the whispers while he trains until his hands bleed and spends hours hunched over a book, learning the sacred laws by heart, over and over again. The stopped bothering him a long time ago. No matter what they say, he is set to prove he belongs there, every day anew. 

The first time he is in the Underdark he can barely sleep for a month, worn out mentally after the weeks filled with a deep-seated paranoia, and constant wondering whether he has to watch his companions by the fire, as well as the darkness.

The third time he is in the Underdark he does not go back to the temple but waits until his master is asleep and runs, he does not know why and does not know where, but he knows he can’t take the constant threat anymore. 

It is nearly ten years before he comes back to the temple, begging on his knees to be taken back in, the blood long gone from his hands but he could swear he can still feel its warmth. It was an accident, it was not his fault, he just tried to make sure they will be safe, but in the end it did not matter.

In the end he was nothing but a beast that broke off its leash, and the look he got, standing over a body he did not intend to create will haunt him for years to come.

They take him in, to his astonishment. There is not a sword on his neck for deserting his company, they look at his amulet with a slight distaste and no surprise, and he accepts his punishment without a complaint. 

When half a year later he is told to walk into the Underdark again, he only nods, refusing to give in the fear that clouds his mind and makes his hands shake.

This time he knows there’s more to watch for than just what waits in the darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

When he wakes up in the snow, it is a surprise. He is alone, as far as he can tell, and just sits there for a moment, enjoying the bite of cold on his face and hands. It was years since he could savor the cold like that. Well protected against it by the layer upon layer of his clothes he does not know how long he is there until the guilt sets in, and he starts to look for answers.

The people are a surprise. A mix of races and ages all thrown in together, without any apparent structure or hierarchy. It is… refreshing. They all talk to him like they don’t care about his past or his scars and he can almost believe them.

The elf that welcomed him first, Hari, takes him out one day, he’s not sure after how long after his arrival. Time seems to elude him in this place as much as in the Underdark, and that alone makes it impossible for him to lower his guard all the way.

She shows him a cottage he’s not sure how he missed when he wandered the snow before, and a warning look, that takes him aback a bit. 

‘If you hurt him, I’ll make sure nobody will ever find your body’ she says and he just nods, because he can understand the willingness to protect people you love to any length possible. 

The Keeper, who is clearly expecting him, is not who he expects. The ridiculously tall man is all shaking hands, stutters and questions, and Grifaris can’t help but be instantly put at ease. He takes the amulet, a bit bewildered by the gesture, and puts it on, unable to not reciprocate the Keepers smile.

 

(When later, much later, the Keeper rants and paces, and finally bends down and kisses him it is a surprise, but a welcome one. Grifaris can’t help but thank whatever demon holds him in this prison for giving him this chance. Later, much later, he remembers this and laughs like a broken man.)

 


	3. Chapter 3

It doesn’t hit him until much later, long after the Keeper is already fast asleep, curled on his side. It sneaks up on him like the darkness of the tunnels far below the ground where he ought to be now, and suddenly he can’t breathe. Every word, every rule he was taught screams at him about the wrongness of this all, about monsters and unforgivable, and for a second he almost thinks the amulet, the one that is still whole burns his skin like his god’s retribution, but when he touches it it is warm and there is a distant echo of a heartbeat and the voice quietens. No part of him can believe it is wrong. There are books describing techniques for fighting demons, but he refuses to recall any of them. Instead he takes care not to disturb Keeper’s sleep as he untangles from his hold, and sneaks away, feeling like a traitor but unable to figure to whom.

He tries, he really does. The others will not help him and he doesn’t know how to make them see, so he does the only thing he can and throws them out. He hopes they’ll understand, one day. It is not about them, it was never about them, but Grifaris can tell, now that he knows where to look, that they bind the Keeper as much as he binds them and he cannot be freed unless they are.

(The amulet on his neck feels like an accusation, the ultimate selfishness, but he cannot get rid of it, does not want to give it back, it may be wrong, but it is all he’s got. The steady heartbeat lulls him into rare sleep about warm skin and open arms and every one of those makes him wish he could just give up.)

In the end, when three new people arrive, he knows it has to be done. He tries to talk to them and for a while it seems they’ll help, but then they meet the Keeper and he really can’t fault them for choosing the Keeper over him. He would do the same.

When they disappear and Hari accosts him he panics. She draws on her magic and he moves on instinct alone, and seeing her like that, it feels like he’s floating somewhere over his body, like it was not his hand holding the sword.

 

He doesn’t want to kill the kids, even if they seems to judge him on every step, but he has something to do here, still. He keeps their attention away from the symbols painted over the doors where the rest is hiding, working slowly but surely. 

 

The Keeper’s arrival throws him out of balance. There is blood and an empty sleeve when his arm used to be and he wants to ask, wants to do something, anything, but the Keeper is standing opposite him, not by his side and he does nothing. It doesn’t matter is they’ll hate him for it, he will set them free, all of them.

 

When he loosens the arrow, it all slows down for a second when he realises he’s won. 

The victory tastes like ashes.


End file.
